How To Find Yourself As A Woman

Not very long ago, I ended up on a journey of finding myself as a woman. It wasn’t a journey I planned to take but life just took me there. In early 2016, my idea of who I thought I was and the value I had of myself got challenged and simply shattered. It went right out the window. I was at point where I questioned “Who am I as a woman? “.

Since then, I have been working on answering this question. I know I wanted to be a woman by everyone’s definition of it. No matter how you defined a woman to be, I was going to make sure I passed the test. I tell you whatever was on your list of being a woman that would be me. In this post I will share with you some of the things I have learnt so far. These are steps you can take to help find and define yourself as a woman; as the woman you want to be. If you find yourself to be in this same state of mind then there are 4 things listed below, I suggest we start working on:

1. Find your calling. Determine your purpose.

I always start advising people with this. Find what motivates you in life. What are you looking to accomplish in this world? Your calling is always something bigger than you. It bears heavy on your heart from day to day. If you don’t know what your calling is or can’t find it, it is possible that the life you are living has you blinded by keeping you too busy and focused on the wrong things. Take a paper, pen, and note down what in this world would you change if you can. What brings you to tears? What really matters to you? From there on you can work your way from what can I do about this to what will I do about this.

2. Spend time alone

It’s crazy how the littlest form of independence matures you. If you still live with your parents, then try going to events alone. Throw yourself into situations that scares you a little. Travel alone. Volunteer alone. Go out and eat alone. Find a job away from home. Take on a new hobby alone. If your culture allows you to, move out with your parents’ blessings. Finding yourself does not mean to be disrespectful. There is a difference. Spending time alone helps you discover how to stand on your own two feet without a crutch nearby to lean on. It builds your confidence as a woman because you now know your abilities and become confident in them.

3. Replace lies with truth

Many people do this by reading affirmations to themselves. We live in a very rough world where people underestimate the power of the tongue. The words that have been addressed to you that you have harbored needs to go. You need to let them go and replace them with truth. A good place to get truth is in the Bible. You are unconditionally loved, made perfect and are incredibly valuable. Let go and Let God. Find yourself a list of affirmations and truths. Tell them to yourself every day. You will see the power of words at play in your life.

4. Work hard

I read somewhere online that the woman you want to be is already within you. You just need to embrace her and welcome her into your life. Nothing ever comes easily. So along with soul searching and building habits, setbacks occurs. Life just happens. You fail more than once but that does not mean it is the end. Tough winds blow at you but does not mean it is over. Work hard and stand on your feet again. Become a tough cookie. Odd to say there’s beauty in that.

Not too long after making a list of things to do to become a woman, I realized that this was going to take longer than I thought. It wasn’t going to be an overnight success or a month’s hard work of transformation. It would possibly take my whole life time to build and become the woman I wanted to be. Just to let you know, 2 years later almost 3, I am still not there. The take home is it’s step by step and you don’t need to check all the boxes on everyone’s list. You do not need to be approved by every single man that indeed you are a "femme de valeur". That’s my French coming out there but in English that means a woman of value. Having value starts with having confidence and self-esteem in who you currently are. It’s having faith that one day everything will come together. A woman of value is happy, is loving and is grateful in life all the while working on becoming a better woman everyday.


Edith Berko

We are always looking to become better beings, better people and be the best versions of ourselves. If this is you then get a copy of my free e-book "Become A Better Me"